Sometimes I get caught up in the moment. The moments being momentous and not mere instances, of course. When I’m in that space it may appear like I float through a cloud of haphazardness and distraction, but I’m actually just really focused. The last few weeks my moments have been focused around getting a car and driving on my own. I’ve got a restricted licence, but that’s all supervised driving, now I’m left to my own devices.
So, for the last week and a bit, I’ve driven here and there. I’ve visited people and picked people up to take to the gym. I’ve dropped items around to people’s houses and I went to the recycling shop and got myself a drum of an old tumble dryer for a brazier in the garden. All good stuff. But, and here’s the but, driving (or that much focus) makes you real tired when you start out and my commute is about two hours a day, so yep, phew!
Coming home the other night I got the car real stuck- right up again the door-jam of the garage. Funny, now I think back. But at the time I had images of the car getting really fucked up. In the past I saw someone back a car into a wall and crumple one whole side of it, both doors, after getting stuck in a very similar way (ouch), so I was pretty stressed. But learning from that, I stopped, took a deep breath and called my friends. One calmed me down and another came over and helped me to reverse my wee car back out without a scratch, so that was awesome. (I love my friends.) I got back on the metaphorical horse again in the morning, but after work I was so brain fried I left my car at my friend’s house and got the bus home. That was delicious, I read on the way home and finished my book. Today when I went to pick up my car I wrote my morning pages as the bus bounced along (I use the word ‘morning’ very loosely indeed) and tonight I’m here back at my desk, after what has seemed like an age. So all in all, things are good. I now have a car. I can work towards getting my full licence whenever I want and I’ve realised I don’t need to do it all at once, I can pace myself. And I’ve realised that I need to write. I was going a bit kookie. And writing on the bus today, I realised I don’t just like to write, or want to write, it’s something that keeps me sane and mellow as a stick. So my plan is to continue learning to drive at a fairly relaxed and less pressured pace, and to car-share or bus a few days a week, which will be good for the environment and for my brain.
So, all in all, I’m good and happy. Moving towards my goals and looking after myself too. Everyone said I’d not know myself when I got a car. That was an exaggeration, I still know myself, but so far it’s just made who I am clearer.
Dane Divine: Storyteller 